THE BLIGHT OF IDEOLOGY AND INANITY AFFLICT AMERICA WITH RIFE IGNORANCE AND WILLFUL DISHONESTY
By all evidence and every measure, an overwhelming majority of Americans wallow like lethargic swine in a putrid muck of the most banal ignorance and the most dishonorable disregard for fact and truth.
Thanks to a public culture corrupted by malicious partisanship and poisoned by the intellectual fraudulence of ideology, along with a common rejection of actual knowledge and empiricism and a near-universal, dull-eyed obsession with the dumbest trash, Americans accept and shill the most disgraceful lies about history, science, economics, their own national constitution, their fellow citizens and even the basic reporting of news.
To detail just the most recent outrages would consume pages of newsprint that would not only go unread but would be defiled by the intentionally false disputations sinned by the malevolent persons and organizations who commit the daily rape of fact and decency for political and ideological gain.
The crisis is so profound that one wonders if most Americans can distinguish between fact, lies, satire and even absurdity.
So let’s find out in the easiest way. Of the following statements which are true and which are false?
• There are nine strip clubs in brief walking distance of Bill Clinton’s New York office, seven of which have hidden, private entrances for which only he has a key.
• While in elementary school, former half-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin was classified as a “non-learner” for her refusal or inability to learn the most basic material and her irrational insistence that her factually incorrect answers were correct.
• Slovenly, repulsive hack propagandist Michael Moore was once arrested for publically masturbating with a chocolate éclair in the primate house at the Detroit Zoo. According to a Detroit newspaper, the poo-flinging monkeys – themselves given to public masturbation – were profoundly traumatized.
• Michele Bachmann and her “pray away the gay” husband have never physically consummated their marriage.
• Harrisburg Mayor Linda Thompson has proposed that a 40-foot-tall statue, depicting her being wedded to Jesus, be installed outside the city government center.
• Mitt Romney has repeatedly – and unsuccessfully – been treated for addiction to hair gel.
• While in high school Sarah Palin was un-classified as a “non-learner” when the previously unheard-of Alaska public schools’ “17 bonus points” policy edged her IQ into the “dull-normal” range.
• Eighty-six percent of American adults cannot pass a comprehensive test of English literacy.
• Ninety-two percent of American adults cannot pass a comprehensive test of cultural literacy.
• Ninety-eight percent of Americans adults can name every one of the giant-assed Kardashian retards.
• Frothy religious extremist Rick Santorum has said he does not “believe” in evolution. (Editor’s note: Good taste and human decency prevent listing the things in which Santorum does “believe.”)
• Evolution is a proven, indisputable fact of nature, like gravity (and the all-encompassing evil of Oprah Winfrey).
• Crypt-keeper lookalike and right-wing hatemonger “Annie the Tranny” Coulter’s birth certificate does not record the delivery of a female.
• Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel once slit the throat of an alderman’s chief ward healer in answer to the question “are you serious?” While licking blood from the blade, Emanuel then said, “What do you think?”
• In her adulthood, multiple psychiatrists have repeatedly diagnosed Sarah Palin with “acute pathological narcissism” and “severe delusional megalomania.” Palin callls this “gotcha medicine.”
• The planet Earth is some 6,000 years old.
• The planet Earth is 4.5 billion years old.
• Cher and Madonna are some 6,000 years old.
• More people have read People magazine than have read all encyclopedias combined.
• More of what people know comes from People magazine than encyclopedias.
• Martha Stewart once slit the throat of a minimum-wage garden laborer for absolutely no reason at all. She then licked the blood from the blade while her eyes glazed over in malevolent ecstasy. (It’s not known if she muttered “It’s a good thing.”)
• Humans and dinosaurs co-existed (though not without some tension).
• Autism and mental retardation are caused by disease-preventing vaccines.
• Global warming will melt the polar icecaps and leave the entire planet under water within seven to 136,900 years. Approximately.
• Newt Gingrich was recently seen drinking champagne in a northern Virginia bar while his wife shopped at the Tiffany store next door. (Don’t bother wondering – this is true.)
• Bill Clinton celebrated his most recent diagnosis of “psychopathic narcissism with co-occurring megalomania” by throwing for himself a grandiose birthday party in Los Angeles with a guest list of celebrities and a program of smarmy, worshipful “entertainment” that one California newspaper likened to the imposed extravagant public idolatry of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.
• The so-called “one percent” accused by the far left of pilfering from the American economy actually pay 37 percent of all federal income taxes, and the top 10 percent of earners pay 70 percent of all federal income taxes. (But that’s only according to actual Internal Revenue Service data.)
• The most distinguishable “one percent” of the nation is the less than one percent of Americans who serve in the armed forces and national defense while bearing 100 percent of the risk and privation. And suffering 100 percent of the casualties.
• One of the ways Bill Clinton finances the “foundation” that underwrites his lifestyle of degenerate Eurotrash indulgence is by brokering arms deals for Third World dictators. (Don’t bother wondering – this is true.)
• Uneducated, alcoholic, drug-addicted, lying, self-messianic Christofascist traitor Glenn Beck is legally registered as a predator because of his unrepentant serial raping of American history, the U.S. Constitution and basic scientific fact.
• While on a three-week gin-and-cocaine binge, Glenn Beck was arrested for trying to molest a department store mannequin.
• There is profoundly compelling evidence Michael Jackson was a child-molesting monster.
• It is an observable fact that Michael Jackson manifested a gargoyle-like grotesquery of bad taste and worse behavior.
• There is legitimate historical evidence that a person named “Jesus Christ” existed some 2,000 years ago.
• The is absolutedly no legitimate historical evidence that a person named “Jesus Christ” existed some 2,000 years ago.
• All of these statements are true.
• All of these statements are false.
• It’s your responsibility – morally, as a matter of honor and as a social and civic duty – to learn and care about what’s empirically true and what is not.